Understanding Self Love

Everyone talks about self-love but I don't think people understand this concept. I have a mentee who has went to a couple of therapy sessions, read books and attended events on self love. Everyone says "You don't love yourself enough" but she felt when she asked "How do I love myself", no satisfying answer could be found. I thought let me share what I taught her today with everyone else. I doubt she's the only one with this problem. These statements like self-love endup becoming cliches because those who use them don't understand them.

When we fail to love ourselves we end up thinking that by redirecting that love to someone else, that person will give us back that love which we can't give to ourselves. Self love does not work like that. In fact saying "I love myself' doesn't help when you genuinely don't live yourself. If anything, it will make you really see all the things you do not love about yourself. You'll day you love yourself with a "BUT" at the end.

Self love works this way. You value your thoughts, emotions and prioritize yourself. Let me make an example. You friends invite you for a hangout. You don't really want to go to this hangoutz because you planning to be alone and watch movies. If you really love yourself, you decline the invitation without fear of losing friends. You prioritize your happiness and value your feelings. You understand that you matter.

When you don't love yourself, you will go against your feelings and thoughts to please your friends. You will go to this hangout even though your heart and mind are at home. You then become distant and not a good addition to the hangout. You're there physically but emotionally you're not there. You have this sense of drag and self-betrayal.

When you have friends who love you and love themselves, it is easier for them to understand that you don't feel like hanging out. The opposite type of friends will make you feel even shittier about yourself by emotionally blackmailing you and contribute to you not loving yourself.

The same principle applies with any relationship or situation you may think of people who love themselves live differently than those who don't love themselves. Those who dont love themselves do things because they feel a sense of obligation. Their lives are in "should" basis and not "want to" basis. They can have sex to their partner because they feel they should and not because they want to.

This is a very broad topic though. I need to also mention that a person who has understood this basic principle of self-love with ultimately manifest self-love in the following ways and more:

Loving your own skin

Body positivity

Being more secure

Emotional stability

Mental peace

Strong self-esteem

Good self awareness

Contentment

Etc

I hope I simplified this well enough.

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