I’ve always enjoyed spending time with older men; wise, experienced, often with stories that teach valuable lessons. Some are happily married, others divorced, but there’s always something to learn in our conversations.
One day, while sitting at the car wash as we often did; chatting about politics, soccer, life, and love. The topic of marriage came up. I was in my late 20s, freshly divorced, and searching for insight.
An older man I used to know shared this piece of advice that still shocks me to this day. He said, “When you marry a woman, be very strict in the first two years. If she disobeys, discipline her immediately, lay hands on her so she fears you. Fear, according to him, leads to obedience. After two years, you can relax because by then, fear will keep her in line.”
I was horrified. That wasn’t wisdom, it was abuse dressed in tradition. That day, I realized something powerful: not all advice is worth listening to, even if it comes from someone older or seemingly wise. Age doesn’t always equal wisdom - fools also grow old.
Since then, I’ve learned to filter the advice I receive, no matter the source. Respect is never built through fear, especially not in marriage. A healthy relationship is rooted in love, trust, and mutual understanding - not control.
Let’s break generational cycles and build better homes.
Mholweni
GJM
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